Thank you for the input with my poem. After reading the comments, here is my revised version. I tried to be more colorful and specific. :)
“A Sense of Summertime”
The coconut aroma of Banana Boat lotion as I walk across the sandy beach,
The whiff of barbeque in the warm evening breeze,
Squeals of laughter as giddy kids ride their bikes down the street,
Melodious notes from the robins as I wake from slumber,
Twinkling specks of star dust from lightning bugs after dark,
A cotton-tail bunny dashing across the lush lawn,
The refreshing splashes of cool water while at the local swimming pool,
The warm sun on my back like a down comforter on a cold night,
The cold cherry popsicle melting in my mouth,
The tart taste of invigorating lemonade purchased from the neighbor’s stand.
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Loved your expanded version, Heidi. I have a much clearer mental image of each scene. I particularly liked your "twinkling specks of star dust" to describe the lightning bugs. Very poetic. You certainly attained your goal of being more colorful and specific!
ReplyDeleteHeidi - I really liked your revised version. I good go for a cherry popsicle myself right now! Your choice of additional words really made a vivid and wonderful summer picture in my mind.
ReplyDeleteCongratulation on expecting your new addition!
Heidi, I love the words you used. Heidi this is Glenda. I hope you can get on my blog. I have had so much trouble with it. I enjoy your wonderful clear images in your writing. Your blog is colorful too. For some reason, my blog has been signing in as "Writer workshop" and that's yours. I believe I have fixed it now. Heaven help me.
ReplyDeleteIn your second poem, I can actually almost taste, smell, and hear your descriptions even more than the first. Good job. Heidi wants the cherry popsicle and I want the fresh made lemonade from the stand next door.
ReplyDelete