I was looking through a book of prompts I have for my students and found one about writing a poem about a season using the 5 senses. Here's my "rough draft". Any comments would be much appreciated!
“A Sense of Summertime”
The sweet smell of suntan lotion,
The scent of a barbeque,
Kids giggling on their bikes,
Birds singing in the morning,
Rabbits hopping across my lawn,
Tons of people in line for ice cream,
Splashes from the swimming pool,
The warm sun on my back,
A sugary popsicle in my mouth,
The tart taste of refreshing lemonade.
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Heidi, you might try making more "colorful" language choices for this piece. For example, "The aroma of barbecue delivered by the evening breeze..." or "the sun like a warm blanket on my back lulling me into a comforting slumber."
ReplyDeleteThank you for the input. As I have stated, writing has always been my weakness and least favorite part of school/teaching. I love the words you used. I'll work hard to be more creative and "colorful".
ReplyDeleteHeidi, I liked your idea about writing a poem using the five senses. I could taste, see, hear and smell your descriptions, so you were successful. I particularly liked your title. I think that you could expand this poem to have a separate verse for each of the scenes you described (i.e., a suntan lotion verse, a BBQ verse, etc.) Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteHeidi - I am glad someone is in the same boat as I am. Writing has always been a stumbling block for me and therefore extremely difficult for me to teach. How comfortable were you writing a poem? I thought that might be my first attempt as well.
ReplyDeleteWhen reading your poem I was able to visualize your words, but was wondering if my visualization was the same as your... i.e. my bird was a cardinal, my suntan lotion was coconut. You may be able to give your readers a clearer picture if you are specific with your nouns.
Great job and I hope that you are getting sun where you are. Maine is seeing A LOT of rain :(
Heidi, your poem is beautiful. I had the hardest time figuring out how to write comments. Your blog is very colorful and such a nice picture. Is this a poem you made up or found in a text? To use the senses is a neat idea because they evoke the emotions. It makes one see, hear, and feel the meaning of your poem. Nice Job!!
ReplyDeleteHeidi, What message are you trying to get across in your poem? Do you like to write poems? It looks to me like your are trying to show use the senses in all your poems, do you think it could use more colorful language?
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